The Confession of Many

Face of a Girl

My sexuality. My glorious sexuality! My being was created in the image of God and my sexuality is an integral part of my being. My sexuality shines when my being is in loving union with God. In such a state, the love of God becomes incarnate in me for your sake. But alas, this is not so between you and me.

I am in a relationship with you and my ego is using my sexuality to manipulate you in this relationship. As I try to manipulate you, to shape this relationship according to my agenda, you are resisting by also trying to manipulate me with your sexuality. And so we are at war but we call it love. We are blind to the dysfunction in our relationship. In this war, I am determined to out-manipulate you. However, your resistance has been frustrating me. Can’t you see that I have a wonderful plan for your life? Why can’t you just allow me to program your life with it? The idol here is not an object. I am trying to play God in your life. I am the idol. This is the ultimate idolatry but I do not know.

You kept resisting my manipulation until I became angry towards you. I have been angry at the point of your resistance. You still did not yield to me and my anger turned to wrath. My fury was no longer at the point of your resistance. Other things you did in our relationship fed my wrath. This was how my wrath turned to malice and it was in malice that I desired to harm you in some way. So I slandered you. I denied your humanity. I became violent either in words or actions. The truth is that I excuse my violence because I have already demonized you.

My fearful, possessive, and destructive ego started with attempting to manipulate you with my sexuality. Now I have ended up being violent towards you.

Godwin Nwaokike is the author of Growing Through Life and Live The Mission.

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