Staying in Love in the Marriage

Staying in Love

They meet and it seems as if something sparked that brightened their world. He cannot stop thinking about her. He realizes he sleeps less but he has more energy. Even his appetite changed. When he leaves her presence, he instantly begins missing her. In her presence he feels on top of the world. He has fallen – he has fallen in love.

The girl realizes she has been swept off her feet. Her emotions have taken over. Her brain chemistry is changing. She cannot help showing affection for her new love. Conversation is ‘sweet’ and she finds it easy to give her time because she wants to. She looks forward to seeing him again when he is absent. There are butterflies in her stomach – she is in love.

They date and after two years they get married. As time passes the intensity of the feelings they have been experiencing begins to fade. There are no more pretenses to cover up the ugly side. As the woman continues the relationship with her husband, it seems as if she is watching Discovery Channel; discoveries are hitting her. Falling in love was like a natural progression for her. Now the progression seems to be backwards.

The man now feels less the need to touch her – see finish. He communicates with her but it is not as exciting as it used to be. He no longer goes on dates with her. They both wake up one morning and the man thinks, “How did I end up with this woman?” The woman wonders, “Did I marry the right person?” One can say that their love is at a standstill but no, they are falling out of love.

Couples get married and some think that the butterflies will last forever. Soon they learn the truth – falling in love is easy but staying in love is not. The couples who do nothing about the feelings that are wearing off will become disconnected with one another. They are likely to experience loneliness and boredom even when they are together. They are likely to get disappointed in the relationship.

This is when some make the mistake of trying to find a new love outside marriage. They do this so that they can experience again the intense feelings. But even with someone new, the feelings will not last forever. In addition to that, they complicate the situation.

Couples do not have to be victims in marriage. They have a choice, the choice to deepen their love for one another and make the love more meaningful. Couples who do this find a life partner in one another. The thought that love resides in the feelings is wrong. Love resides in the will. It is the will to do what will please the other person; the will not to engage in any act that will hurt the other person when it is found out. Sometimes love requires someone to behave in a way that is contrary to feelings. This is the work which demands commitment. Even when you do not feel like it, love demands that you set your feelings aside in order to do what is best for the relationship.

In order to stay in love, couples have to make a conscious decision daily to act lovingly toward their partner. They should set aside time for their spouse regardless of their schedule. Going out on dates is not out of place. They may not feel like it but then the love is not in the feeling. The relationship depends on what they make of it.

It is alright to acknowledge a problem. It is not alright to focus on the problem. One is not to focus on the difficulty of the marriage or how the spouse seems to be a different person. Focus should be on what one can do to make the day of the spouse better. In other words, it is about what one can contribute to the relationship. This should be done while focusing on the positive aspect of the relationship.

You are married to your spouse. Now is not the time to evaluate how you feel about him or her. It is the time to focus on how you love the person you are married to.

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