This is a continuation of the previous post with the same title but (I)
No matter how crazy you are about the man or woman, you do not pour your life story out to him or her on the first date. It most likely would be too much to handle. He or she may just want to bolt. Trust is built over time. So get to tell him what you know you should bit by bit over time. Timing is essential. Some things are necessary but should not be expedited.
A relationship should have trust as its foundation. This requires no secrets for secrets are the enemy of intimacy. Each little lie you tell cuts a little at intimacy and this affects trust. Someone would argue, “If I tell him my secret, I could lose him or he may use it against me.” I will be blunt with my response – love is a risk! Risk losing your partner because you love him. A lie makes you a horrible partner even when you do not realize it.
Pull down the walls. You will not be able to experience love deeply if you do not bare yourself. It may seem wrong but it is a risk you should take for what you stand to gain. If that partner remains, you have a unique bonding. Both of you will continue creating the kind of present that constantly diminishes the past. You create new stories. Would it not be a wonderful thing for your partner to accept you with what you have revealed? Then you know you have her love truly.
Again someone may want to ask, “Are you saying that I should tell my wife if a woman comes on to me and I feel like having an affair, should I open it up to my wife in the name of being truthful?” Well, we are humans and we will all continue to remain so as long as we are here. You give yourself to Christ and you find out that your soul has been given but some parts of your body are finding it difficult to give their life to Christ. When faithfulness becomes difficult, it becomes most important. Rather than tell your wife, “I almost cheated on you,” or “I feel like cheating on you,” work on yourself to conquer the feeling so that you can honestly tell her, “Darling, I love you. That is why I conquered the feeling of wanting to cheat on you.” Where there is no openness, assumptions become substitute.
Forget about the experience of your friend’s relationship. Work to build a strong and intimate relationship with your partner. Every relationship is unique with its own “DNA.” The work is not easy but the fruit is happiness and I know you want happiness.
Jesus said, “Do to others as you would have them do to you” (Lk. 6:31). In that light, the secrets you would not want your partner to keep from you, do not keep it, and the lies you would not want her to tell you, do not tell them. Doing this leaves you the option of always being truthful.
- Judith Sills, PhD, Should You Really Tell Him Everything? Oprah, oprah.com/relationships/keeping-secrets-From-Your-Husband, Accessed January 22, 2016.