Come to think of it, how can a husband and wife live together for a long time? A husband and wife in a marriage think differently; they are from different backgrounds; they have different views about life; their tastes are different; they are probably not from the same culture; their upbringing is different; their expectations are different; their aspirations are different. How on earth can both live together let alone have a lasting marriage? It is only normal that after sometime the feelings of love begin to wear off.
I have observed that when I have negative thoughts and feel bad, if I should change my thoughts to positive ones, I feel better. But if I focus on the negative feelings, I will not be motivated to do anything positive. I change my thought, I feel better.
When the feelings of love begin to die in a marriage, spouses should change their thoughts and behaviour. When you think differently, you are prompted to behave differently; when you behave differently, you will feel differently. A small change can make a big difference. Your spouse may even change her behaviour towards you when you change your behaviour towards her.
In order to rekindle the feelings of love in your marriage, you do not have to wait until you feel like it. That could be a wait too long. But when you change your thought and behaviour, the feelings will start to change. Start from your thought not from your feelings.
You do not have to make any effort to have negative feelings. Occasions to have them abound. But you need effort to think positively. The absence of positive thoughts can make your relationship to be “something that is just there.” It happens for instance when you are focused on your job such that you do not have positive thoughts about your marriage.
Rekindle the feelings of love by replacing negative thoughts with positive ones. Think about your spouse daily and make a conscious decision to make her day better. She is still that same person you fell in love with; a love so intense that you married her. List her positive qualities and have them in your mind.
How marital problems are handled is very important. To constantly complain about the problem is not the solution. But it is a good step to have an open and sincere communication with your spouse. You may want to read Rather than Give up on the Marriage in which sincere communication was discussed.
It starts from thought but it does not end there. If you have positive thoughts about your spouse but do nothing to show that, there is still work to do. Again you do not have to feel like it to behave in a loving manner towards your spouse. When you behave lovingly, your feelings will change. This is how your love for your spouse will grow and mature. Remember, love does not reside in the feelings, it resides in the will.
It is when you feel that the loving feelings are gone that it becomes more important to show your affection physically to your spouse. Behave affectionately and you will feel more affectionate.
Make it a habit to do at least one thing that will show your love to your spouse every day. What it will be is yours to decide; you know your partner. Whether it is a special dinner or a loving note or whatever, the affection with which you do it is more important.
Think love, do love, and you will feel love.