The marriage institution demands a lot from the partners. The duties the partners have to continue the success of the marriage are challenging. No one in marriage wishes to find himself or herself unhappy in the marriage. To be in the situation where the options one can see are divorce and remaining unhappy in the marriage is unfortunate. It is a critical time when the actions one take can make a huge difference. The actions determine if spouses will continue staying together or become separated. In such a situation, one hardly sees a third option – the option to improve the marriage so that the relationship can be enjoyed.
Some things one can do to improve the marriage are:
- Sincere Communication: I have always cherished sincere communication simply for its beauty. If we all communicate sincerely, a lot of complications in relationships will be prevented. But a lot of people justify half-truths and lies. They anticipate their partner responding negatively if they are sincere and so they become dishonest in their conversation.
If you anticipate your partner responding negatively whether with words and/or actions because of the truth, then there is an issue which has made sincere communication urgent. In other words, the issue which serves as an excuse why you would lie to your spouse is begging for sincere communication in order to be resolved.
To improve your marriage, you need an open and sincere conversation with your spouse. This conversation should not be a blame game. It is better you communicate your need rather than accuse your partner of what he may be doing wrong. Thus, “I would love it if we could spend more time together” is preferable to “You do not spend time with me.” You get the point. In the conversation be prepared to listen more than talk.
- Identify the Real Issues: How can you fix a problem when you do not even know the real issue? “I am not feeling happy in this marriage” does not identify any issue. But if you can specifically identify the reasons why you are not feeling happy, then you are good to go.
So make a list of what needs to be changed so as to be more satisfied in your marriage. The list gives you what you really need to work on.
- Go for Professional Counseling: We really have not come to appreciate the importance of professional counseling in this part of the world. And often times when some seek counsel, they go to the wrong people.
A professional marriage counselor can actually help you to improve your relationship with your spouse and bring back the lost joy. If you are not sure what a marriage counselor can do for your marriage, find out.
- Concentrate on the Changes you can Make: No one can change another hence you cannot change your spouse. That is completely out of your control. Wanting to change another person puts an unhealthy pressure on you. You just cannot force your partner to change but you can focus on the changes that lie within your control. Your energy should be spent changing your attitude and behaviour which needs to be changed. People change and find out that their partners change as a result.
I have only identified four things it is you can do to improve your marriage and the list is far from exhaustive. Why don’t you use the comment section below to add to the list?