Correcting The Wrong Notions of Premarital Sex


We live in a society that fails to appreciate or even realize the holiness of the body. We have gotten used to the idea of promiscuous relations and somehow it has become acceptable for many.

Today, sex is associated with everything. You cannot walk down the street or turn on the radio without seeing and hearing about sex. Whether directly or indirectly, businesses use sex to sell products from shampoo to Chevrolets. Clothing lines market their outfits by taking them off their models. A good network television show must have sex in order to compete in prime time. A movie must have sex. No sex? No Oscar… We as a society are obsessed with sex. However, we have become so desensitized to it that it is no longer viewed as something sacred, or an act reserved exclusively for married couples. Instead, sex is seen as something for anyone at anytime. A sacred bond? Just look at the divorce rates… Marriage means very little today. It is mocked on television “reality” shows where a man or woman chooses a suitor based solely on looks- and we think arranged marriages are strange and archaic?1

Your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and it ought not to be defiled with premarital sex. Some Christians however engage in it believing that it is not wrong to have it with a partner in whom they are in a relationship with especially where “love” is present.

But premarital sex is always a sin. It is a wrong use of our sexuality and an unloving use of another human being. It is a selfish act. God created us for something better than that.

Premarital sex is not a loving act even if you may call the sex lovemaking. Love is in the will not in the emotions. Let me explain that. Imagine a man and woman in a relationship. The man is separated from his partner for a while due to a job which made him travel. They keep exchanging romantic messages over the phone with the man continually telling the woman, “I love you.” If the man spends his time with prostitutes while he is away, then he does not really love the woman regardless of what he thinks or says. Love resides not in the feelings but in the will. To love someone is to will to choose and do what is best for the other person without trying to hurt her despite the cost to oneself. Love is a gift of self. In premarital sex, it is always about you and you choose to engage in an act that is not good for the other person. It is therefore not a loving act, never been and never will be.

Because it is all about you and never about the other person, it is a selfish act. If you have the good of the other person in mind, then you would not be risking someone getting pregnant while not married, spreading disease, neglecting the spiritual state-of-being of the other person, and jeopardizing her future marriage. Strong feelings may exist between both of you but the act itself has nothing to do with unselfish love.

Our sexuality is a gift that should be properly used and not abused. Sex is not just for pleasure. The pleasure is a by-product – a good one. This by-product however should not replace the real purposes of sex. By engaging in sex for the purpose of pleasure, the act is degraded and in such situation, it clear that is selfish.

The society encourages promiscuity in the name of sexual freedom. But that has not made anyone happier or fulfilled. The irresponsible misuse of our sexuality has brought us brokenness and poverty of love. We misunderstand who we are and do not know why we exist. Purity can never be regretted. I have never met a person who saved sex for marriage and regretted. Impurity will always be regretted eventually. That is why some people who were impure now try to keep themselves pure. No guy is scared to death because his girlfriend is not pregnant. A girl does not cry her eyes out because her ex-boyfriend did not sleep with her. We regret what we lost not what we save.

Sexual intercourse creates the deepest kind of psychological and emotional bond between a man and a woman. “Do you not know that anyone who joins himself to a prostitute becomes one body with her?” (I Cor. 6:16). You may not see that person again but you will always be connected in some way to the person once you have had sex with him. Considering that, I am sure you are better off if you abstain. Abstinence has never killed anyone.

The world’s notions of sex are:

  1. Sex is an expression: Once two people love each other, it is only natural for the love to be expressed through sex. Whether they are married or not is not important.
  2. Sex is essential: We all have need of sex just like we have need of food. To suppress is damaging to mental and physical health.
  3. Sex is an experiment: If a couple is really serious about finding out whether they are compatible, spiritual, emotional, and intellectual compatibility is not enough. They must discover whether they are sexually compatible too. Let them cohabit.
  4. Sex is an experience: Have you had the experience of playing table tennis? How about football? Sex is one of those experiences. It is quite essential for a “good weekend.”
  5. Sex is entertainment: It is fun to watch musical artiste perform just as it is to have sex. Since it is so much fun, it is entertaining.

These notions are unacceptable to Christians. Sex is a sacred act which has two purposes: union and procreation. These two purposes are also the ends of marriage. Sex is therefore for the married. You can express your love for someone you are not married to in ways other than having sex. There is nothing loving in wanting someone just for the body. Premarital sex is a sin against God – nothing loving about that too. Where is the “loving” in having a sexually transmitted disease or an unwanted pregnancy?

Jesus was born by a virgin and he was also a virgin. St. Maria Goretti died a virgin as well as some other saints. These people were fulfilled as human beings. You are not less than a human being if you decide to wait until marriage; you are reasonable. Sex is not essential to realize full personhood.

To sleep with someone to know if you are sexually compatible is completely foolish. You are a female and he is a male and as long as both of you have what you are supposed to have, then you are compatible. It is not really hard to get that. Is it? Sex is just too important to be an experiment.

Sex is not like playing football or table tennis. It is not just another experience to add to your collection. Sex should not be seen as another way to spend time.

If you are feeling bored, go watch a movie or listen to some music. Sex is not entertainment. It should not be misused for senseless fun. You do not use a helicopter to go shopping. Other people’s bodies are not objects to be played with after which they are disposed of.

A sane mind discerns that for many reasons other than pregnancy and STDs, abstinence before marriage is most reasonable.


  1. Chris Fay, The Bible and Sex or Another Choice, Catholic Online,, Accessed December 7, 2016.


Godwin Nwaokike is the author of Growing Through Life: The Pursuit of Fulfilment. Click the image below to find out more about the book.

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