Maybe you are finding it difficult to meet Mr. or Ms. Right. You may have spent years with a picture of this ideal person in your head who would complete you and free you of your hurts. If the father of Joy for instance was not there to shower her a father’s love when she was young, then as an adult she may be looking for a father’s love in men. When Mr. A does not fix her she goes on to Mr. B and then Mr. C and…Such a person is not looking for a partner, she is looking for a saviour. That is the problem.
We have all seen pictures of the “perfect” relationship. We have seen it too much on TV and videos. That can create this fantasy world that the “special” person will take one to when one meets him. A person with such a mentality fails to realize that love is present in her.
It is not proper to go into a relationship hoping that your partner will fix you. You bring a lot of emotional baggage into the relationship by doing so. Your partner is not your therapist. You need to accept yourself first and then love yourself. You love yourself and appreciate who you are and then you go into a relationship to share who you are not for someone to fix you.
A good relationship allows you to be you despite your imperfection. So your goal is not to find someone who will heal you and fill that void in you. Your life is not a romantic story book, come away from the fantasy. One who is desperately seeking for love for healing tends to destroy love when it comes out of desperation. Such a person needs to work on himself. A relationship is an experience of love not a world of expectation. Failure to work on yourself when you have to prevents you from allowing love to penetrate you when it shows up.
Even if your past has a lot of hurts, you do not have to replay the events. Replaying the events reminds you of the emotional wounds which is unhelpful. What is important is a decision – a decision to change, to let go. It is with the choices you make that healing is able to come to you. Over the years, layers of hurts and pain have engulfed your core. You reconnect with your core by peeling those layers. You find love at your core.
Even if you did not grow up with love, you would want to open yourself up to love. There are situations when it is alright to risk being vulnerable. Love gives rise to one of such. It is not necessary you keep testing people by intentionally creating a path of obstacles while you push and pull them at every corner. Regardless of your past experience, it is a singular experience. The failure of one man in a particular situation does not mean that all men fail at such situations.
You would want to open yourself so that new people can come into your life without scaring them away. Be the kind of person you would want to attract so you do not attract the wrong set of people. Opening up yourself gives a chance for a relationship to be developed. Bit by bit, as trust builds, you may want to discuss your past. By being open, you prompt the other person’s openness.
Let go of your old stories. Whoever it was who hurt you did that probably because he did not know better. He may have been troubled. Do not hang on to the victim story. Do not give your past so much power over you.
Love yourself and allow yourself to be loved.