Abstinence: For the Love of Yourself (I)


The sexual instinct is a powerful urge which like magnet pulls the complementary sexes together. The desire continues our human race.

Infatuation is being mistaken for love a lot of times. Infatuation is the state of being completely carried away by unreasoning passion. It is an intense but short-lived and irrational passion for somebody or something. Love on the other hand is a feeling of tender affection for somebody.

Infatuation starts with physical attraction and comes with excitement to be around a person while love can happen without conscious intention. Real love does not expect anything in return. Infatuation usually brings jealousy and impatience; it is of the now. Love on the other hand is patient, forgiving, and tolerant; it is a gradual process. Infatuation is weakened by time while love is strengthened by time. The commitment that comes from infatuation is reckless as that is just to satisfy the all-consuming lust. Love thinks about the other person before acting hence, commitment to the other person is from a genuine intention. Look closely at infatuation and you will see that it is not real but delusional. Love is not only real, it is unconditional.

Relationship is built on purpose. However, many people in a relationship do not even know the reason they are in the relationship. In such a situation where purpose is not known, abuse becomes inevitable.

The purpose of a relationship is for mutual appreciation. Partners appreciate each other for who they are. A relationship is also for the purpose of the growth of partners. As they evolve together with time, there can be a possibility for a lifelong commitment in marriage. It is in a relationship that you find someone with whom you share your deepest feelings and emotions.

These kinds of benefit require trust and trust takes time to build. This is one of the biggest problems with the “get together” culture of today. It skips over all the emotional relationship and trust building and jumps into a physical and very personal act without the emotional backup.

Chastity is something valuable as the way we guard our sexuality before marriage. But it is increasingly hard to do with all the peer and cultural pressures telling us to do the opposite. However, the arguments for chastity are not, “don’t do it”, “sex is dirty” – they are about valuing yourself, protecting yourself from making premature commitments and keeping sacred the sexual union for marriage.

Sex before marriage is not proper because it involves lust not love. Sex is for two purposes – procreation and union (between husband and wife). An unmarried couple cannot truly unite as God intends. God who gave us our sexuality intends them to be married and to be open to life when they have sex. Then sex is sacred, holy, beautiful, pure, and good. Outside of that sex is wrong. If only one can think without the butterflies or the emotion beclouding reason, this can be seen.

Planning to get married in some months’ time there seems to be all sorts of “reasons” why not to wait especially knowing that you want to marry him or her. One argument would go that sex is an important part of marriage so you should practice in advance. But it does not work that way. Sexual intercourse is not like playing football or tennis. Sex is a gift God gives us and you don’t need to practice to become “good” – it is a basic human instinct and married couples learn together very quickly. The basic ingredients for a good sexual relationship are mutual love, respect, and a real sense of caring about the other person’s feelings.

Continues in the next post.

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